A Tale of Two Movies

…like a Tale of Two Cities but with a lot less Charles Dickens.

So after not going to the movies for many months (thanks for nothing Woody Allen, “Blue Jasmine” put me off the art form almost permanently) I ended up going twice in one weekend.

On Saturday I ventured out to see “I, Frankenstein” with a very old flame who, after almost thirty years, has popped up in my life as a much needed friend. There’s not a lot out at the moment and I didn’t want something heavy like “12 Years A Slave” (though I hear it is a great film) or a romantic comedy of any kind.

So a bit of action fantasy it was. It’ll come as no surprise to anyone that this was a bit of nonsense built around some action and special effects. The storyline was barely coherent but a good cast gave it more credibility than it really deserved. How they got Bill Nighy on board is anyone’s guess.

Some of the effects were great, especially the gargoyles coming to life, but that’s the best I can say about it. Good Saturday afternoon light entertainment (and I cared more about these laughably drawn characters than I did about anyone in “Blue Jasmine”).

Sunday’s cinematic excursion was to see “Pompeii” which really should be entitled “A Lame Vehicle To Cash In On Kit Harington’s Current GoT-based Popularity” (which I will admit is a mouthful – which is probably not a word I should be using when writing about Kit Harington…).

This pile of schlock is rated M which would lead one (if one was a dirty, middle aged woman) to believe some sex scenes would be included. One would be sadly and greatly mistaken if one was to assume this. The M rating is obviously for the stylised violence which was not particularly violent, unless I am particularly jaded, but certainly unnecessarily extensive, drawn out and repetitive (enough already!).

The promised Kit Harington abs (which were possibly photoshopped) played a cruelly tiny role and seriously only made a cameo appearance at best (truth in advertising I say). There was a great deal of KH brooding sensously into the camera. There was only ONE. TINY. KISS. That’s it. If I was Emily Browning (the so-called love interest) I would be having stern words with my manager about getting her into that role under false pretences.

Basically there was lots of gladiator fighting, lots of Keifer Sutherland being nasty, lots of Kit Harington looking broody, lots of CGI of Pompeii and rumbling Vesuvius, lots of things exploding and fire and crumbling buildings and people running. But nowhere near enough Kit Harington nudity. Well basically none.

So I’m back to hanging out for Game of Thrones to return in just two short weeks where I a much more likely to see nudity, Kit Harington/Jon Snow and otherwise.

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