We’ve just finished watching that brilliant documentary Years and Years. As good as that other documentary The Handmaid’s Tale. You can’t make that shit up anymore… because it’s all real. The dystopian future we feared/laughed at IS HERE… and if it’s not here in front of your eyes right now it’s just around the corner because some corporate is busily engineering it as we speak.

It’s the end of another spin around the sun and as the world’s most slack arse blogger I thought I’d cobble together a few words to sum things up as we careen into the last week of 2019. I was inspired by all the “it’s been a shit 2019 but 2020 will be THE BEST YEAR EVER” type Faceplant posts. Undoubtedly I’ve posted some such shite in previous incarnations. They make me laugh because what the fuck is “the best year ever”?

I can’t say I’ve learnt anything this year as opposed to other years. I feel like the penny has dropped to some degree in my understanding of myself. I’ve had some adventures this year that I certainly did not in any way foresee this time last year.

So here’s a list of statements to sum up where I am right now (with the express understanding that this may not be where I am in five minutes time or next week and definitely not at the end of 2020).

I believe resilience is EVERYTHING.

I believe in saying yes and scaring yourself a bit (because that’s how you learn about yourself) but also saying no if that’s what feels right then and there.

I believe noone is going to save you or make you happy or fix you.

I believe it’s really nice to have a special someone but their job is not to do any of the above.

I believe life isn’t black and white and it’s the shades of grey that make things interesting.

I believe that children are our future. (Just checking if you’re still paying attention)

I believe in music and singing along when you’re driving and hot, sweaty gigs where you know the words to the songs and that moment is everything.

I believe in words and books and plays and movies and art and us humans trying and failing and trying again to wrestle with whatever this motherfucking “human condition” is.

I believe in humanity but not in corporate greed and that humanity can and will push back but maybe it’s too late and we’re fucked which is ok.

I believe you live until you die and we should live until we die but not be afraid of death because we all know it’s the one certainty and that’s as it should be.

I believe I’m an entitled white middle class wanker with a truck load of luck and I don’t have one seriously valid thing to complain about.

I believe I better stop before this gets any sillier and even more self indulgent.

Good bye 2019, you were bloody awesome. Let’s see what you’ve got 2020.