For those following along there was a time when Miss M and I had a troubled relationship. Basically she was playing the role of Satan and I was just clinging onto sanity. It was a tough time.

But that was a long time ago and mostly things have been great, or at least good, for quite a few years now. We have our moments of angst and they are regular but they are not traumatic, not like they used to be. I no longer end up sitting on the floor in tears and she no longer spits and throws things at me. So in the immortal words of Charlie Sheen we are “winning!”.

This past weekend I had a glimpse of what the future may hold. A glimpse of mother/daughter friendship, or at least camaraderie, which was kind of sweet.

Not only did I teach her how to cook her own egg on toast for breakfast (which was really a handing over of a small but important daily self help routine tied up in a little bonding package) but she chose to come to a Sydney Swans’ game with me and we had a great girls’ day out.


True, she didn’t watch much of the game and quite honestly it was not a game worth watching. True, she mostly enjoyed making fun of the ridiculous noises I tend to make to encourage/frighten the Swannies during the game. But on the way home in the car she said that she loved listening to my conversations with Tricia that day and that it was one of the best days of her life. She is growing up and morphing from a little girl into a tween I guess (though I do dislike that particular marketing term for pre-teen girls). She is starting to latch onto more grown up conversations and is trying to make sense of them.

I am also starting to discuss my dating with her in a matter-of-fact way rather than keeping it as a dirty little secret. I read this interesting article about the subject this week and it gelled with my thoughts on the subject. That doesn’t mean I give her all, or any, of the gory details… but I do mention in passing that I’ve had a date and answer any questions she has. She’s really not that interested (and Will is even less interested… in fact on the weekend he said he thought I was still going out with the Joker… teenage boys, so observant).

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to document a little milestone in my relationship with Miss M… especially since it’s a positive one.

Thinking about someone who isn’t thinking about you

Probably the worst thing about a failed relationship (and I’ve clocked up two in twelve months so I speak with some authority) is the amount of time I spend thinking about the person who is no longer thinking about me.

I hate it. So much. But my brain just won’t stop turning over the problem, like a Rubik’s cube that won’t be solved. It is obviously an exercise in frustration and eventually even my silly brain will run out of enthusiasm for the task but in the meantime I’m seriously giving myself the shits.

There is nothing coherent about my thoughts. They swing from anger at myself for what was, in hindsight, an exercise in flogging a dead horse to sadness for the futility of throwing away a relationship with much promise. I think about the good times and my daydreams for the future. I smile to myself about the little in jokes we shared.

I waste so much emotional energy thinking about someone who isn’t thinking about me.

Can someone invent an app to fix that?