Tomorrow is the start of August. I’m excited about August. There are special things happening.
A day which isn’t meant to mean anything but means a lot to me.
A big birthday for someone very special to me.
August was meant to be the end of something but looks like it won’t be. It’s the month before September and for the past six months or so it’s been SEPTEMBER in my mind. A month of change, a looming month, a pivotal month. But now it’s unlikely September will be that month so I’m refocusing on August and letting September go, setting it free.
It’s amazing how some days seem like a battle, like nothing will ever work out, like nothing is worth the trouble… and other days everything seems so easy, what will be will be, the future’s not ours to see (nod: Doris Day), life is just how it is, nothing more, nothing less.
This time last year I was getting ready for the New York trip with the Joker. My goodness I love New York, it’s my happy place. I yearn for the streets and the light and the smell and the bars and the $1 oyster happy hour, the surprises around each corner, walking, my sister. I want to go again; often I get an attack of NEW YORK. My brain starts to work out the logistics of just going, next week. But I don’t. I’m an adult, of sorts. It hasn’t much to do with August… except I’ve been to New York in August/September two years in a row and my heart is telling me to go.
But instead I’m going to stay right here and jump into August feet first… and see where the road takes me.
Well Crump-ust has been a dismal failure. Fact. I just lost interest. I tried to get the train back on its tracks after Robin Williams’ death derailed it but my heart wasn’t in it. I like a perve as much as the next chick but I think I bit off more than I could chew with this task. I seriously can not think of 31 blokes I would elevate to Crump-ust status. (The Joker has threatened to do his own version – Whore-gust – but at this point I’m fairly sure it’s not going to happen.)
So I’m taking a moment to offer a half hearted apology to my (ahem) readers who undoubtedly are not at all surprised by my lack of commitment and enthusiasm. I should probably rename my blog “Lack of Commitment and Enthusiasm”. I’m chock-full of good intentions but life and laziness tend to get in the way. No shit Sherlock I hear you shout.
In just under three weeks we’re off to The Big Apple, NYC, the city that never sleeps and it’s finally feeling real. I never feel more alive than when I’m in the middle of a big city and there’s no city (much) bigger than New York, New York. I can almost feel it running through my veins right now. There’s a lot to do between now and then and I need to get to it… really soon… I’ll get to it, promise.
I’ve been thinking a fair bit about what makes me happy and writing is very high on the top of that list. Right after ___________ and ____________ and cooking and eating. So I really need to find my writing mojo and get stuck in. I can see some writing classes in my future; not because I don’t know how to write but because I need some external motivation or a kick in the bum.
I’m hoping The Joker and I can capture our trip in writing and/or recording (don’t put me in front of a video camera, pretty please) because just on the odd occasion we are pretty funny, well mildly amusing… Anyway, stay tuned for the Seymour and Audrey Project (working title).
For those keeping up it’s been almost 10 months since McNulty walked out of our lives. It’s gone by pretty fast I must say. Probably because I’ve been busy getting on with it and also riding the rollercoaster otherwise known as my relationship with the Joker. That relationship can now also be filed under the “splitsville” category. I don’t have much to say about it because it hurts like a mofo right now. When it was good it was awesome and when it wasn’t it was death by a thousand paper cuts.
Today I’m thinking about New York. Mainly because I think I need an escape hatch and there’s not many places on earth I’d rather be than in NYC. It equals happy. I’m not booking my flights at this point because I promised myself I wouldn’t until the divorce was finalised (as a reward of sorts), because I know I can’t run away from my brain and my heart, because I had so wanted to go there with the Joker and because my relationship with my NYC-based sister is a little brittle right now.
There are other peripheral life things going on which mean I need to stay put, clear my brain and get through the next few months as calmly as possible. I’m not so good at calm or rational or sensible; it’ll be a bit of a challenge.
So I’m going to day dream about doughnuts and Momofuku duck and lobster rolls and walking along the Highline and day time happy hour $5 Bloody Marys. I’m going to convince myself that going alone will be even more awesomer than going with the Joker. I’m going to choose happy. And I’m going to stay in a New York state of mind until I’m back there very soon.
Today marks three months until I head off for the much anticipated Middle-Aged Women Gone (Not So) Wild in NYC trip. New York City with my sister and some of my very best besties. Heaven? Very close to it.
Yesterday I finally purchased tickets to The Book of Mormon on Broadway which was a very exciting moment. I’ve been looking forward to seeing this production since our last visit to NYC in 2011. We are also hoping to see Once while we’re there because I’m owed an extra Broadway show after seeing a grand total of none last time we were there.
This trip has been in the planning/dreaming stage for a very long time and it’s hard to believe it will be upon us so soon. In the meantime Big Jay leaves for his Middle-Aged Men Gone Batshit Crazy trip to Las Vegas next week, so I do have 10 days of solo parenting to get through (an experience which I find is getting easier and easier as the kidlets get older and more self-sufficient).
Here is a little rewind to May 2011 when we set off on our first trip to NYC. Enjoy.