Twas the night before Christmas…

… and I was taking a moment to reflect on the year that was. OK, it’s not New Year’s Eve but this is as good a time as any… plus there’s no one in the office and my mind is a-wandering.

It’s been a big year in lots of ways but mainly emotionally. I won’t lie, it’s been fucking tough at times. I’ve said WTF? on more than two (or fifty) occasions. It’s a year I don’t particularly want to remember but I’m very much unlikely to forget. I’ve learnt a lot about resilience. I feel I’m ending the year somewhat wiser and harder than I was at its start.

In broad strokes the kids and I have survived our first full year as a single parent family… and it was OK. Mainly it’s OK because I have a support network around me second to none. My mum and dad and sister are rock solid in their ability to be there for me and the kids at any time and all the time. We are awesomely lucky and grateful. But there’s also my friends who help in all ways, from practical to emotional to just fucking knowing they are there and have my back, that I can call and whinge when needed. I might not always say it straight up but I love and appreciate every single one of the people who are my family in the broadest sense of the word.

Hmmm… romantically it’s been a rollercoaster. There have been awful days and weeks but there have been amazing times as well. I have discovered more than I can share here about myself and for that reason the highs have very much been worth the lows. I end the year in a wonderful place, hopeful of a future with someone who means more to me than I can easily describe.

I’ve learnt to recognise and accept my style of dealing with things and that has been a learning experience in itself. It’s totally glib to say but it’s OK to be me.

This year I’ve got to travel to my favourite, non-Sydney, city on the planet. I’ve eaten great food, seen some fabulous bands and shows, watched spectacular storms from the safety of my balcony, hung out with people I love, been thrilled and disappointed by my Swannies, met people who have opened my eyes and changed my perspective. There has been heartache but I’m lucky enough to say the good has far outweighed the bad.

To those who have hurt me I say screw you. To those who have loved me, cared for me and my kidlets, I say you rock and thank you…. it means everything.

Goodbye 2014. Bring on 2015… a year already bursting with possibility and all the good shit.

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